i still love you / depression

from by nak

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about

I Still Love You (Depression)
Heartfelt (2010)

lyrics

A face laced with depression is gazing in my direction
Like an angel who’s rejected from heaven, stripped of his blessing
And I can hardly recognize the man who stands in my reflection
My clenched hand’s the weapon, I smash mirrors to segments
A mask of perfection- that’s cracked from the tension
I ran toward redemption; collapsed at the entrance
I rap for an answer to these passionate questions
My heart’s torn open, and the scabs are infected
...I need security, and all that endowment
She said she’ll give it to me, yet she’s awkwardly balanced
I’ll hold your shot glass, while you’re vomiting invasive
And baby, you gotta save me, see, I’m wandering aimless
The truth of the matter is that I’m used to disaster
...Prepare for the worst (expect the worst after)
“...Wanted” signs on every corner of this island
My smile went missing, please call me when you find it

I still love you, I don’t care what you say.
...I still love you, I’m so carried away
I know there’s heartbreak even if I try staying
But I don’t mind if I gotta die waiting.

A night filled with light laughter a nice party
I saw you holding hands with him, and skipped five heart beats
Enemy armies breach the security
They cut my arms off as I reached for the purity
What vexes me most, are memory ghosts
Depression is a vector infecting every host
And the message that I wrote... that I cork with a wet kiss
Was sent the F back to me in form of a death wish
I like to think you still think about me
But I think I’m over thinking and my thinking is weak
So F Wall Street... I’m cold- investing in heat
I once saved your every message, (now I’m pressing delete)
I’m testing my reach... I’m too short to touch heaven
And it’s funny... how you loved me then you broke me in seconds
Now its sadness... My hand is authoring madness
My pain’s enough to baffle any doctor in practice

I still love you, I don’t care what you say.
...I still love you, I’m so carried away
I know there’s heartbreak even if I try staying
But I wouldn’t mind it I gotta die waiting.

I’m still remembering our promises; and clinging to our sentence
And the difference is you didn’t, but I actually meant it
I thought that I would make it, yet I’m borderline- tentative
We got a huge chance of rain- (four times the percentages)
...I hate the television telling me it’s natural
It’s negative; how they distort the real from the actual-
-But imma hold my roots, pray to God and stay practical
And when I make moves, NAK remain tactical
-I give it all to you, Lord God
So give me just a small quick glimpse of Your heart
He told me to let go, (forget it) cause forgiveness is key
Leave the past where it is and start following Me
So I love you and forgive you- though you don’t feel the same
I just had to let you know before I go on my way.
And now I come on bent knees to ask God for the recipe
He said, “Guard your heart;” cause lately it’s affecting me.

I still love you, I don’t care what you say.
...I still love you, and you’re always in my prayers
I know there’s heartbreak even if I try waiting
But God’s got a bigger plan, so I ain’t staying

I still love you, I don’t care what you say.
...I still love you, and that will never change
I know there’s heartbreak if you’re staying in my memories-
-But if it’s Gods will- I’ll run back to you eventually

credits

from All Songs (2009 - 2016), released April 16, 2017
Lyrics: NAK
Production: Babalu Beats

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about

nak Chino, California

A Filipino-American lyricist, rapper, poet and chronically depressed, irrational over-thinker, teacher, graduate student, and registered nurse from Chino, California. This is shy rap. Repentance despite feeling forsaken. Lyricism at its lowest. Emotional music for introverted people. Sounds for the hopeful. Living proof that God could use losers. Music best enjoyed alone. ... more

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