Perceive (2020)

by nak

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about

We wanted to see what Math Rock and Rap sounds like together.

lyrics

I would mourn too if that rare soul
thinks self-slaughter’s that
best solution
I wonder often why
great beauty needs
great pain
for that “execution.”

Life’s paradoxes
mock the optics
betray the way things arranged
like “heads bowed eyes closed:”
the same way we pray's
the same way we hang.

My pain range is no "one-to-ten"
if I think to guess, I’m like one-thou
I lose sight of myself often
as night falls:
sundowning.

This star falls: no wishes honored
armed guard as I kiss the martyr
in a dark garden, better pray and watch
and if you think you know me,
start looking harder.

It’s hard for me to be
what you perceive
oh if you had eyes to see
no, it’s not that simple.

I miss the old me as much as you.
But I’m not sorry.
I miss the old me as much as you though
but I’m that zombie.
I miss the old me as much as you though
but I’m not sorry.
I miss the old me as much as you though
but I’m that zombie.

Am I not allowed to change?

Who am I to you?
At what point did I shine brightly through?
My fire inside turned icy blue
and all I want to do is stay alive to you
so I lie to you

as I seize the mic ‘cause I need your liking
‘cause I don’t like me
and all these followers
are right beside me
but Christ reminds me:
it takes one “trial”
and they’ll all deny me.

I ain’t tolerating
all your pity, really,
I can see through that iris
I don’t think you really
ever cared about me
all you want is what I give.

Where were you when all sleep eludes me?
Hurt and bruise me
while I make you music
and I could never change
who you want me to be
‘cause I didn’t ever want you to leave.
But now I’m free.

Where were you
when I’m needing sleep?
Where were you
when I’m needing peace?

It’s hard for me to be
what you perceive
oh if you had eyes to see
no, it’s not that simple.

I miss the old me as much as you though
but I’m not sorry.
I miss the old me as much as you though
but I’m that zombie.
I miss the old me as much as you.
I miss the old me as much as you.
I miss the old me as much as you.
But I'm not sorry.

Am I not allowed to change?
Just here to keep you safe
when your thoughts, need rearranged?
Am I not allowed that grace?

It’s hard for me to be
what you perceive
oh if you had eyes to see
no, it’s not that simple.

It’s hard for me to be
what you perceive
oh if you had eyes to see:
know it’s not that simple.

credits

released July 1, 2020
Kept on Hold: @keptonhold

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

nak Chino, California

Jazz-Hop / Lo-Fi / Lyrical

↠ Filipino-American lyricist. Chronically depressed, irrational over-thinker. Teacher, graduate student, registered nurse. Chino, California. This is shy rap. Repentance despite feeling forsaken. Emotions for introverts. Sounds for the hopeful. Living proof that God could use losers. Music best enjoyed alone. ... more

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